So Rude!

"She was soooooo rude!"

"That guy was rude to me!"

"I don't want to talk to her again, she's rude!"

Familiar?

Probably the only word in our language that is more overused other than the word 'love' is the word 'rude.'  I can't seem to go a day without hearing someone talking about how rude someone else is!

I hear people tell me my team is rude.

I hear my team tell me that people are rude.

I hear my team tell me that someone on our team is rude.

I hear clients tell me my colleagues at other agencies are rude.

I've used the word 9 times in 10 sentences.

All that being said, I hope you can relate to me. Quite frankly, I'm sick of it. What's interesting to me is that I can interact with these same 'rude' people and have a perfectly pleasant experience.  Why is that? Do some people treat me differently because I'm a man? Probably a few. Do people treat me better than others because I'm an authority figure? Maybe some do. But for the most part, I think I'm able to have positive experiences with 'rude' people because of a principle I learned years ago from Dr. John C. Maxwell.

In his book, Winning With People, Dr. Maxwell illustrates what he refers to as the "Lens Principle." The Lens Principle states that who we are determines how we view others.

People who are trustworthy tend to view other people as trustworthy.

People who are generous tend to view others as generous as well.

People who are kind tend to view others as kind as well.

Do you want to know why I rarely have rude encounters?  It's because I generally believe the best in people. I get proven wrong from time to time but most of time, but those instances are rare and far between.

I generally view folks as kind and compassionate and assume they have a servant's heart. When I talk to someone, I call them by their first name (if appropriate), I smile while we talk, and I use effective listening skills to communicate with them.

When I do that something amazing happens!  I usually get people to smile back at me. People call me Adam or 'sir'.  People look for ways to go the extra mile to help me.  I make a personal connection and my network grows.

I'm telling you that this principle works for me.

If you're the type that always seems to run into rude people--consider that maybe they're not the problem. 

I'll leave you with this illustration from Winning with People:

A traveler nearing a great city asked an old man seated by the road, "What are the people like in this city?"

"What were they like where you came from?" the man asked.

"Horrible," the traveler reported.  "Mean, untrustworthy, detestable in all respects."

"Ah," said the old man, "you will find them the same in this city ahead."

Scarcely had the traveler gone on his way when another stopped to inquire about the people in the city before him.  Again, the old man asked about the people in the place the traveler has just left.

"They were fine people:  honest, industrious, and generous to a fault," declared the second traveler. "I was sorry to leave."

The old man responded, "That's exactly how you'll find the people here."

Call Me

I remember being 20 years old, in college, sitting in the registrar's office, attempting to get next semester's class schedule lined out. I remember being told, "You'll need to go to your department office for your major so that they can register you." Although irritating, I left the office, walked across campus to my departmental office only to find out that "we can't register you here, you'll have to let the registrar's office know that."

I left. Irritated.

I go back to the registrar's office, wait to see someone, finally get in, relay the message from my department only to hear, "well, all I know is that they have to register you."

My brain wanted to explode.

I sat there in complete discontent. My eyes found themselves wandering the desk of the office worker that decided to stonewall me. Lo and behold, on her desk, I noticed a magical device capable of connecting two people and allowing them to have a conversation in real time. She had a phone on her desk.

"Is there any way that you could just call over to my department's office and tell them what they or I need to do?" I begged.

"No."

Her answer didn't register with me. It baffled me that she couldn't pick up the phone, dial the extension of her co-workers in my department and work out whatever problem existed. Instead, she preferred that an irresponsible 20 year old college student relay messages across campus for her.

I don't know if your industry is like the human service industry but in human services, it seems like we tend to have the same mindset as the belligerent registrar.

All of us have the technology to communicate with each other (telephone, e-mail, etc.)

All of us support mutual partnerships, cooperative relationships and continuum of care between us.

Yet, when we need to relay messages to one another, we tend to rely on clients to carry the messages. We ask people that are struggling and at least in that moment are interested in self preservation to relay accurate and honest interagency communications.

Anyone else see the problem here?

I consistently have clients that sit in my office that tell me that Ms. So and So at the other office told me that you would pay my bills this month.   I turn and look at my phone only to find that I have no missed calls or voicemails. I check my cell phone to find it blank. I refresh my e-mail to find an empty inbox. As it turns out, Ms. So and So told the client that our agency might be able to assist them.

The client changed the message.

Here's my plea--if you are a colleague of mine and you need my agency's services to assist a client, call me. Since I'm not always sitting next to my phone, I happily provide my personal cell phone number. Everyone has my e-mail. Don't allow clients to take your accurate message and change it.

It is frustrating.

It is as frustrating as being 20 years old, in college, sitting in the registrar's office, attempting to get next semester's class schedule lined out.

We as human service workers need to be willing to place personal phone calls to each other if there is legitimate need for interagency cooperation. If you send a client to a colleague with a message to relay, you need to be prepared for your message to be ignored or changed.

Is this a frustration in your industry?

Podcasts

Nearly two years ago, I was up on top of my house on a chilly Sunday afternoon putting up Christmas lights. Around the house, I typically don't work without my phone and headphones on. I remember sitting on the edge of my roof clipping strands of lights to my shingles while Dave Ramsey was speaking to me about ways to better run my company.

Wait....

What?

It was right at two years ago when I discovered podcasts. For those unfamiliar with podcasts, this is sort of an audio blog. I use iTunes for downloading my podcasts, though I'm sure there are other programs.

Since then I have come to value podcasts as a way of my ongoing professional development. The two professional podcasts that I subscribe to are free and thus, offer me tremendous value. For this blog entry, I simply want to share with you the two professional podcasts (though there are others I enjoy) that help me the most with leading our agency.

Dave Ramsey's 'Entreleadership'

I have been a fan of Dave Ramsey's work for a long time. My family and I use his principles from Financial Peace University and I use what he teaches in his book 'Entreleadership.' 

Currently, his podcast is hosted by Chris Hogan, part of Dave's speakers group. This podcasts focuses on various parts of Entreleadership and most of the podcasts feature a portion of Dave speaking at Entreleadership events. After that, Chris will typically interview an author, speaker or business leader to gain insight into how that person runs their company or performs his/her job.

Entreleadership is typically podcast a couple of times each month and is a free download on iTunes. It's actually from this podcast that I was introduced to.....

Michael Hyatt's 'This is Your Life'

Michael Hyatt, former CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers, was being interviewed on the Entreleadership podcast when his book 'Platform: Getting Noticed in a Noisy World' came out. In that interview, I was motivated to purchase his book and have since recommended it everywhere that I've been able to speak since.

Michael's podcast is called, "This is Your Life" and he focuses on intentional leadership. Typically produced once each week, Michael focuses on a different aspect of leadership. My favorite thing about his podcast is that, I believe without exception, he gives the listener specific action items to take to become more intentional in his/her leadership. Michael also answers listener questions on the podcast.

Michael's podcast also feels very relatable. He is very honest with his listeners when he modifies the format of the podcast, is going out of town, struggling with a specific issue, etc. In addition to his podcast, he also interacts regularly on Twitter (@michaelhyatt). 

I mentioned earlier that I do like listening to podcasts other than these two, but as far as my growth as a leader goes, these are my 'go-to' listens. Where else in the world could you get two authors who are as successful as these two are and the wealth of experience and knowledge they bring to the table for free?  I appreciate their work and that they offer this gift to folks like me that could use every ounce of help that we can get!

Keep First Things First

This may blow your mind:

Some people in this world make decisions based upon what makes them happy.

At first glance, you may look at that statement and think, "Well, that seems okay.  Why not do things that make you happy?  Why not avoid decisions that make you unhappy?"

The truth is that happiness is based on circumstances.  Happiness is fluid.  Happiness isn't an anchor.

The truth is that ten years ago, I was happy.  I was in college and I loved to party.  I didn't care about class.  As long as I could hang out with the guys, I was happy.  I worked just enough to pay rent and buy food and buy booze.

If I wanted to make decisions based on what made me happy, I would still be that guy. 

Fortunately for me, I got over that phase in my life and re-examined my priorities and started to build a life based on my priorities and not what made me happy.

As I've grown and matured, my list of priorities hasn't changed much.  I use my priorities as an anchor in my life and I make my decisions based on them.  What I've found is that I have found a more fulfilling happiness when I make decisions that are consistent with my priorities.

Here's mine:

1.  God.  If I lose everything else in my life, I'll be okay as long as I'm a child of God.  I'm committed to Him.  Not only am I committed to living a lifestyle that's pleasing to Him, but I am also committed to being a worker in His church.  Hopefully, one day I'll have the opportunity to serve as an elder for the congregation that I attend and will bear the obligation of overseeing His flock and accounting for those souls.  God reigns supreme in my life. 

2.  My wife.  Initially, my instincts are to lump my kids in here as well but until I'm faced with the unlikely movie scenario of having to chose to save the life of my wife OR the life of my children, I can afford to segregate the two.  Here's my point--my wife is my sister in Christ, my best friend, my lover, and favorite person on earth.  One of the best things I can do for my kids is to love their mom like crazy--and I do!

3.  My kids.  I have two living outside the womb and one living inside the womb.  I realize that right now, my time with my babies is finite.  I will only have a limited number of baseball and softball games to attend.  I will only have so many birthdays and Christmas mornings.  I only have a few days that I get to take them to school in the mornings.  I'll never get this time back and I know that I have to enjoy it while it lasts.

4.  My family.  I'm a son, brother, grandson, nephew and cousin.  I only have the one family and as hard as it is sometimes, I have to make sure that I can contribute to the well being of my family and make them proud of me.

5.  My job.  It's my means of providing a living for my family.  It's my way of giving back to the community.  It's my way of growing as a professional.  It makes me proud. 

Whenever I want to make changes in my life, I must base that decision on the above mentioned priorities.  For example, I was offered a job opportunity that was going to be a good deal for me professionally (Priority 5).  It would have made me happy.  Awesome!  The problem was that I'd have to work from 1-9 p.m. and on weekends.  I would lose my ability to go to church (Priority 1) and I'd lose the time I get to spend with my wife and kids (Priorities 2 &3). 

The deal had to be a no-go. 

No drama, no indecision, no difficulty.  Easy decision. 

When you establish and live by your priorities, decisions become clearer and easier.

What are your priorities?

3 Tips to a Better Speech

I love public speaking.

Seriously....I really love public speaking.  I've been in speech contests since I was in seventh grade.  I've been preaching at church since I was 14.  I prefer to work at places that let me be a public speaker. 

I don't have many talents but public speaking is one of them.

Because public speaking comes naturally to me, it used to be difficult for me to understand why people are apprehensive about it.  Of course, as I've matured, I have come to understand that a lot of people are afraid to speak in front of a group.  Some people's personalities don't lend themselves to being a speaker just as my personality doesn't lend itself to me being a doctor or lawyer.  There's nothing wrong with that at all.

However, regardless of how you feel about public speaking, you are likely to face instances in which you are called upon to speak as a subject matter expert.  Whether in front of an audience of 1,000 or a board room of 5 people, you need to develop good public speaking habits.

There are volumes of books that you can read, classes you can take and videos you can study that will help you become a better speaker.  But on my platform, I'd like to simply give you three pieces of advice that will help you become a better speaker. 

1.  Have confidence-No matter what the situation is, you have been asked to speak because you are the expert.  Are there people in the world or in your industry that are smarter than you?  Sure.  Are there people that would have been a better choice to speak?  Maybe.  The thing to remember is that you're the one they asked for.  The folks that asked you to talk are interested in your point of view.  They want to hear your experience.  They want your perspective.  They want you. 

Take some pride in that thought. 

Have you ever had to sit through a speech or presentation by someone that lacked confidence?  I have.  You have to listen to them apologize constantly during the speech.  They don't talk loud enough to be easily heard.  Usually it is a pretty poor experience. 

2.  Know your audience-I realize that this isn't always possible but most of the time it is.  I have a different presentation method depending on whether I'm talking to teenagers at a local high school, colleagues, employees, bosses, donors, etc.  You can use the general outline that you've prepared but you can add things to make your speech more effective.

Example:  I have a 'canned' speech that I use when I talk about my agency.  However, depending on the audience, I add in different elements to the canned speech.  If I'm talking to a group of high school kids, I'm going to add in stories about people that we've helped.  If I'm talking to a group of donors, I'm going to emphasize how donations are used.  If I'm talking to an older audience that is really conservative, I'll focus on how our work saves money for taxpayers.  My main body of the speech is the same from group to group but depending on the audience, I add in elements that will be appropriate to the audience.

3.  Take a FEW notes-Contrast this idea with writing your speech out word for word.  The more notes you take, the more time you're typically going to spend reading from them.  No one in the audience enjoys being read to.  Use only a basic outline format when you're speaking.  This will encourage you to speak from the heart rather than a prepared statement.  (Obviously there are situations where legalities are incredibly important and using a prepared statement is a MUST but overall, this won't be necessary). 

Take this blog for instance.  I have written all my 'notes' out for you to read word for word.  If I was using this as a speech, my notes would look like this:

Intro-Love public speaking, different personalities

I.  Have confidence
    A.  You're the expert
II.  Know your audience
   A.  Examples of tailoring a speech
III. Take a few notes
   A.  Awesome visual aid

Conclusion-Watch other speakers

That's it.  That's all I would take up there.  When you spend more time reading your notes word for word than making eye contact with the audience and speaking from the heart, you come off as insincere and it looks like you didn't work very hard preparing. 

Finally, (as per my conclusion) one of the best things you can do is to watch other speakers that you enjoy listening to (authors, preachers, colleagues) and take notes about what you liked about their speaking and what you didn't like.  Be specific with your notes.  Don't just write "he was awesome." Write about what makes him so awesome.  Did he use a visual aid? Was he a story teller? 

Try to replicate the things you like and avoid the things you didn't like. 

How about you?  What are some things that you enjoy about listening to a great public speaker?

Thank You Cards

I remember the first time I had to write a massive quantity of thank you cards to people.  It was 2001 and I was getting ready to graduate from high school.  Gifts ranging from clothes to dorm room supplies to (my personal favorite) money began to pour in from even the furthest branches of the family tree. 

It was great.

It was so great that I wanted to do it again.

I'm not saying that I got married for the gifts but that was a really sweet perk of my nuptials.

Then we had a baby and I didn't get a lot of gifts but whatever.

Then I graduated from college and had more parties with more Adam-centered gifts.

Throughout these processes of receiving gifts, the voice of my mother continued to resonate in my head.  (Hearing mom's voice isn't an uncommon event.  It is more of a daily occurrence and some of the time it is a good thing.)

Mom always taught me to write hand written thank you notes to people.  Because at 18, I was way smarter than my mom, I asked why I couldn't just make a form letter of thanks and mail it out to everyone.  Efficient right?  She didn't go for it.  She said that hand written notes were the way to go so I hand wrote thank you notes to everyone.  Every high school graduation gift, every wedding gift, every baby shower gift and every college graduation gift was followed up by a hand written thank you note.

My strategy today as a working professional is no different.  People need hand written thank you notes.  It doesn't matter what industry you're in.  Non-profits should thank their donors for giving money.  Salesmen should thank customers for spending money with them.  Employees should thank their bosses for the opportunity to work and serve people.  Bosses should thank their employees for faithfully serving the company or organization.

Everyone needs a thank you note. 

I write two different kinds of thank you notes to our donors, supporters and team members.  The majority of notes I write are simple, hand written thank you notes.  Some people (like the 18 year old version of me) thinks that this is an inefficient way of spending time, other people hate the way their hand writing looks, and still others simply think that the person on the receiving end doesn't really care whether the note is hand written or not.

In my experience:

• Hand written notes are warm and personal not cold and corporate.  Who would you rather do business with?  Would you prefer a salesmen that talks to you by name and seeks out ways to take care of your needs or a vague, one-size fits all on-line order form?
• Hand written notes don't take a lot of time.  My notes are typically three to four sentences conveying my appreciation for the gift, how I intend to use the gift, and an offer to be of service to the donor in the future.  I don't write a novel, I keep it short and sweet.  I typically do not include the size or value of the gift (i.e. thanks for your $50 donation).  These cards do not suffice for purposes of tax write offs.  They are specifically to convey appreciation.
• Hand written notes are not expensive.  I usually buy about 250, custom printed cards each year.  It runs me about $100.  My cards are simple.  They are on white card-stock paper with our logo on the front.  Inside they are blank and thus a canvas for me to express my appreciation.  They measure about 5.5" wide and 4.25" tall when folded. 
• Your handwriting makes it unique.  Obviously you'll need to write legibly.  Outside of that, by your handwriting you have communicated to the donor that you personally sat down and took the time to hand write a card of thanks.  That shows appreciation.    

So does that mean that I never use canned form letter thank you notes?  No.  I do use them.  Occasionally I receive a gift from a company or an estate.  Those types of donors need something from our agency that they can use for a tax write off.  They would rather have that than the warm and fuzzy feelings that accompany my hand written cards.  I get that and I'm okay with it. 

Here's a copy of the form letter that I use (click the image to enlarge it):

 

 

I included the line numbers for this blog post so that you can see how I space everything.  I don't print a document with line numbers.

 

You'll notice that it is on company letter head with contact information.

 

I have the date of the letter.

 

 

I include the mailing address of the donor.

 

I use a simple "To whom it may concern" salutation.

 

I keep it short.  I thank the company for their donation and I'm specific to list the monetary value of the gift. 

 

I offer to be of further assistance to the agency and then I close by listing my name and position with the agency.  I print this and sign it in blue ink and mail it to the donor. 

 

Is it cold and impersonal, yes.  Does the IRS care?  No. 

 

I fit the thank you note to the need of the donor.  90% of my notes are hand written.  10% of our gifts are corporate or from an estate that require a letter like this. 

 

 

So there you go! A quick guide to professional thank you notes!

Dinosaurs

We don't always have awesome discussions at our team meetings, but when we do, it is because we talked about dinosaurs.

Today we had quite a few things to discuss.  After we finished all of our procedural and training items, we had a discussion about having a dinosaur mentality. 

Having a dinosaur mentality leads us to the same fate as the dinosaurs--extinction.

We posed the question this morning, "What can we start doing today to make our organization viable 5 years from now?"

We could, in all reality, sit back and rest and keep doing what we've been doing and be in good shape for the short term.  However, we realize that for every second we're sitting idle, we're getting lapped by technology and culture.  What we're doing today can't be good enough 5 years from now. 

Here's some qualities of dinosaur thinking that could potentially kill your organization:

1.  Dinosaurs say, "This is how we've always done it."  That's just foolish.  I certainly don't advocate changing just for change sake but thinking that there is safety in history is flawed logic. 

2.  Dinosaurs shake their fists and tell the kids to "Get off my lawn!"  Dinosaurs don't embrace advances in technology and communication and marketing strategies.  They ignore the value of Twitter and Facebook and LinkedIn because they don't understand it. Instead, you have to communicate in ways and in places that your audience can hear you.  My name is Adam and I get all my news from my Twitter feed and Facebook.  I follow news channels, government officials and news personalities and organizations via my preferred social media outlets.  If you want to convey a message to me or market a product or service to me, your high priced newspaper ad or your expensive radio spot isn't going to catch me.  I will see you in my Twitter feed though.  That doesn't cost a dime.  We HAVE to embrace advances in technology and communication and marketing strategies.

3.  Dinosaurs don't like it when you say that they have ugly kids.  Okay, no one likes that.  What I mean is that leaders put years of expertise and experience into building an organization, product line, etc.  What they don't like is when someone comes in, looks at what they've built and says, "I think we can do this better."  The dinosaur takes that statement way too personally.  The dinosaur hears the person say, "you've got an ugly kid."  Instead, we've got to acknowledge that as a leader, sometimes we can't see the forest for all the trees because we're too close and too emotionally invested in the project or organization.  It is helpful to have someone come in and help you get refocused and suggest ways to improve what you've built.  I know it's difficult, but don't take it personally.  See it for what it is--an opinion. 

Dinosaurs go extinct.  As leaders we can't become dinosaurs and we can't be okay with thinking like dinosaurs. 

How have you caught yourself having a dinosaur mentality?