So Rude!

"She was soooooo rude!"

"That guy was rude to me!"

"I don't want to talk to her again, she's rude!"

Familiar?

Probably the only word in our language that is more overused other than the word 'love' is the word 'rude.'  I can't seem to go a day without hearing someone talking about how rude someone else is!

I hear people tell me my team is rude.

I hear my team tell me that people are rude.

I hear my team tell me that someone on our team is rude.

I hear clients tell me my colleagues at other agencies are rude.

I've used the word 9 times in 10 sentences.

All that being said, I hope you can relate to me. Quite frankly, I'm sick of it. What's interesting to me is that I can interact with these same 'rude' people and have a perfectly pleasant experience.  Why is that? Do some people treat me differently because I'm a man? Probably a few. Do people treat me better than others because I'm an authority figure? Maybe some do. But for the most part, I think I'm able to have positive experiences with 'rude' people because of a principle I learned years ago from Dr. John C. Maxwell.

In his book, Winning With People, Dr. Maxwell illustrates what he refers to as the "Lens Principle." The Lens Principle states that who we are determines how we view others.

People who are trustworthy tend to view other people as trustworthy.

People who are generous tend to view others as generous as well.

People who are kind tend to view others as kind as well.

Do you want to know why I rarely have rude encounters?  It's because I generally believe the best in people. I get proven wrong from time to time but most of time, but those instances are rare and far between.

I generally view folks as kind and compassionate and assume they have a servant's heart. When I talk to someone, I call them by their first name (if appropriate), I smile while we talk, and I use effective listening skills to communicate with them.

When I do that something amazing happens!  I usually get people to smile back at me. People call me Adam or 'sir'.  People look for ways to go the extra mile to help me.  I make a personal connection and my network grows.

I'm telling you that this principle works for me.

If you're the type that always seems to run into rude people--consider that maybe they're not the problem. 

I'll leave you with this illustration from Winning with People:

A traveler nearing a great city asked an old man seated by the road, "What are the people like in this city?"

"What were they like where you came from?" the man asked.

"Horrible," the traveler reported.  "Mean, untrustworthy, detestable in all respects."

"Ah," said the old man, "you will find them the same in this city ahead."

Scarcely had the traveler gone on his way when another stopped to inquire about the people in the city before him.  Again, the old man asked about the people in the place the traveler has just left.

"They were fine people:  honest, industrious, and generous to a fault," declared the second traveler. "I was sorry to leave."

The old man responded, "That's exactly how you'll find the people here."

Call Me

I remember being 20 years old, in college, sitting in the registrar's office, attempting to get next semester's class schedule lined out. I remember being told, "You'll need to go to your department office for your major so that they can register you." Although irritating, I left the office, walked across campus to my departmental office only to find out that "we can't register you here, you'll have to let the registrar's office know that."

I left. Irritated.

I go back to the registrar's office, wait to see someone, finally get in, relay the message from my department only to hear, "well, all I know is that they have to register you."

My brain wanted to explode.

I sat there in complete discontent. My eyes found themselves wandering the desk of the office worker that decided to stonewall me. Lo and behold, on her desk, I noticed a magical device capable of connecting two people and allowing them to have a conversation in real time. She had a phone on her desk.

"Is there any way that you could just call over to my department's office and tell them what they or I need to do?" I begged.

"No."

Her answer didn't register with me. It baffled me that she couldn't pick up the phone, dial the extension of her co-workers in my department and work out whatever problem existed. Instead, she preferred that an irresponsible 20 year old college student relay messages across campus for her.

I don't know if your industry is like the human service industry but in human services, it seems like we tend to have the same mindset as the belligerent registrar.

All of us have the technology to communicate with each other (telephone, e-mail, etc.)

All of us support mutual partnerships, cooperative relationships and continuum of care between us.

Yet, when we need to relay messages to one another, we tend to rely on clients to carry the messages. We ask people that are struggling and at least in that moment are interested in self preservation to relay accurate and honest interagency communications.

Anyone else see the problem here?

I consistently have clients that sit in my office that tell me that Ms. So and So at the other office told me that you would pay my bills this month.   I turn and look at my phone only to find that I have no missed calls or voicemails. I check my cell phone to find it blank. I refresh my e-mail to find an empty inbox. As it turns out, Ms. So and So told the client that our agency might be able to assist them.

The client changed the message.

Here's my plea--if you are a colleague of mine and you need my agency's services to assist a client, call me. Since I'm not always sitting next to my phone, I happily provide my personal cell phone number. Everyone has my e-mail. Don't allow clients to take your accurate message and change it.

It is frustrating.

It is as frustrating as being 20 years old, in college, sitting in the registrar's office, attempting to get next semester's class schedule lined out.

We as human service workers need to be willing to place personal phone calls to each other if there is legitimate need for interagency cooperation. If you send a client to a colleague with a message to relay, you need to be prepared for your message to be ignored or changed.

Is this a frustration in your industry?