The Most Freeing Word

I'm a dad.

I'm a dad of two awesome kiddos, Hannah and Elijah and a third on the way. (Could be an Abigail or a Caleb.  We'll find out in a couple of weeks.)

I'm a dad of two awesome kiddos that are, for the first time, playing softball and blast-ball, respectively.

I'm a dad that makes time to study the Bible with people at church and has to study for himself too.

I'm a husband.

I'm a husband of a nurse that works 10 hours each day.

I'm a husband of a nurse that doesn't get home in time to get supper started and the laundry rotated.

I'm busy.

I'm a busy dad and a busy husband. 

Now, I don't want to come off as dramatic.  I'm a busy guy.  You're busy too.  For a long time, my goal was to make everyone happy and one way to do that was to commit to everything.  If someone needed me, I was there and I'd "work out the details later."

However, as I've gotten older and as I've matured a little (insert my wife's sarcastic laughter here) I have learned that there is such a thing as over committing myself.  I have learned that my time during the week is finite.  If I overload on commitments, I've learned that by definition, my relationships suffer. 

I've learned that there is a cure for over committing.

I've learned how to be free.

I've learned to say 'no.'

One thing that has been tough for me to get over is the false feeling that by saying 'no' to engagements or opportunities meant that I was being selfish.

In all reality, I have to say 'no' to some opportunities in order to give my top relationships a priority and strengthen them.  In addition, if I don't take some time for myself for relaxing, hobbies and personal growth, I will run out of emotional and spiritual fuel. 

So, how do I determine which engagements that I will say 'yes' to and which engagements I will say 'no' to?  Well, that's a difficult formula and it varies from person to person.

For me, I first look at my calendar.  I have my absolutes written in.  I know that Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings are off limits because that's time for worship.  I have my kid's practices, games, school events and family outings penciled in.  I don't let events interfere with those things because my time with my kids is finite and I refuse to spend my later years with a "Cats in the Cradle" type of regret.  I have other work-related events penciled in.  Those are required and I don't move them unless an emergency arises. 

After I look at the unmovable dates and events in my schedule, and before I add anything else to my calendar, I have to ask myself, "if I add this event, when will I be able to have a Bible Study?  When will I be able to spend time with my wife?  When will I be able to relax and unwind?" 

If I can reasonably answer those questions and I have time for the commitment, then I can put it in.  If I can't reasonably answer those questions, then I have to say 'no.' 

I'll admit, at first, it is difficult to turn people down.  However, when you have the realization that in saying 'no' to someone is the equivalent of telling my kids 'yes' or telling my wife 'yes' or telling God 'yes,' then the decision gets easier. 

Everyone is busy and believe it or not, most folks will understand when you have to turn them down. 

Do you have a hard time saying 'no' to people or opportunities?  Are you a people-pleaser?